Monday 7 November 2011

BUYING A TELEVISION


My old faithful and its freeview box finally keeled over with the impending stress of digital takeover. Neither it nor the remote were able to deal any more with the constant switching from digital to analogue when the signal went on the blink. I did consider ditching the damn thing for ever and renouncing what I like to call that ‘evil box’ in the corner. But I succumbed and went off to get an up to date flat screen with the digi thing included.

How hard could that be I ask my dear readers? I think you may guess that a rant is bubbling and I have to share this nonsense with you.

Naturellement I tried to survey the vast choice on the internet to get a grip on what was on offer for my budget and required needs. (Needs – just a telly really that would play the usual stuff I like to watch and I hardly need remind you that this is pretty much limited to CSI, Big Bro and Question Time. I definitely do not need a zillion channels because I can barely be bothered with the basic set of five.) And even more naturellymente I could not understand a word of the list of the modern accoutrements that now are standard fittings – I think, ahem, that your telly is now a computer that can virtually swing from the chandelier should that be required.

I gave up on the descriptors and got down to an actual shop with a human in it to explain all to me in basic English. The gist of it seemed to be that a greater proportion of something or other will give you a better clearer high definition picture. (HD being the big thing – they are all ‘HD ready’.) Well that sounded good. I do like a clear picture, no doubt about that, I still remember the days when getting any picture at all could consist of a lot of kicking and banging and sticking metal coat hangers in somewhere. Indeed you could be quite grateful for a picture that could settle for one minute in every ten amidst horizontal and vertical waves gone crazy. So, yes, I said, I want the best pic I can afford on a 32inch with whatever extra doodahs.

Then the sales person dropped the line, are you with ‘Sky’? No and nor do I wish do be, I reply. Oh, but then you will get the HD, good reception and your live sports will look even crisper and no footballers will be seen to wobble around the pitch. I’m kinda puzzled now and ask if I can have a telly from the huge selection displayed that can offer all that but without paying for ‘Sky’. And frankly, I am not too worried about the footballers. Apparently, (and I swear I have heard this correctly) no, it is not possible to have a perfectly working picture unless you get ‘Sky’ or some other kind of ‘box’. I am, of course, swearing profusely by now and saying loudly and embarrassingly, I daresay, that I will NEVER be buying any kind of ‘box’, least of all a “Murdoch’ box as I have no intentions of increasing the coffers of that old snake. I am definitely NOT going to spend a small fortune on the one ‘evil box’ only to have to pay out on a monthly basis for some other ‘box’. Streuth, what a con.

I bought the telly, assuming this was all a bit of jiggery pokery to get you to buy more – boxes and dongles and other weird stuff that will make it do computerish things like skyping. No need for any of that, just the telly please……

I get it home, set it up – perfect picture, all seems in working order. Lasts for three weeks until it rains. Then, just like my old set with the digi box, it loses the signal. No signal. No box, you see.

I HATE DIGITAL TELLY (AND RADIO COMING, OR RATHER, NOT COMING SOON). BRING BACK ANALOGUE!!!! OR DO WITHOUT??

Anyone with me on this?

I do know some who have managed very nicely without one for years. I know there is always the computer which if not watched live will also obviate the need for a licence……..